Confession time. I love to eat. And I don't love to exercise. Given that I've gained 10 lbs in the last two years I'm feeling the need to confess. I'm not going to openly admit my weight because I can't. What I will tell you is that I weigh 30 lbs less than when I gave birth to a certain adorable child who shall remain nameless 12 years ago. And I weigh 20 lbs more than I did when I graduated from high school. I weigh 40 lbs more than I did when I got married when I was borderline underweight at 105 lbs. If you'd like to do the math to figure out how much I weigh now feel free.

The point is that at any given time, I've thought I was fat. Honestly and truly at 105 lbs when I got married I believed that I was chubby. I wore a corset under my dress. In high school I was self conscious about everything (but who isn't at that age...). I rarely wore a swimsuit because at 125 lbs I believed that I was heavy. I didn't think it. I believed it.

The other day I was talking with a coworker who's in her late 60s. She was discussing her need to lose weight. I realized that this was the first time I've never said the same thing. I said to her, "If someone wants to be with me? They can love me the way I am at any given moment. And if they don't? Then they must not really love me."

It's taken me years of self torture to get to a point where I look in the mirror before stepping into the shower and see something good. And what do I have to say now? I'm really glad I'm realizing this at 32 and not 68.